Category: I’m autistic, what now?

It’s okay to feel drained, and it’s ok to let it show.

Often, allistics don’t understand the complex interplay of factors that affect our outward behaviour. They might perceive you as unresponsive or rude, but in reality you might be struggling to remain verbal and socially present because you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you’re feeling drained after a difficult day and can’t process what people are saying anymore.

There are all sorts of things that go on in our lives everyday that allistics know nothing of. Whatever you’re struggling with, whatever pressures are put on you, I want you to know that you don’t need to behave the way allistics might want you to – you don’t need to meet their expectations. Often meeting these expectations puts a huge strain on us and can be damaging to our health. And quite basically, it just isn’t worth it.

There are many different ways to be autistic, but we often only become properly aware of this diversity when we participate in the autistic community. Outside of it, the projected image of autistics is a very limited one. Much of the time, the ideas we have about ourselves and what it means to be autistic come from doctors, and doctors tend overwhelmingly to base their ideas about autistics on the way autistic men and boys behave.

But if you’re female or non-binary or AFAB (assigned female at birth), you might be autistic in a very different way from what is commonly expected.

Generally, the average population of allistics tend not to like talking about the positive aspects of being autistic (because they are so ill-informed about neurodiversity) – so here’s a list of some of the things I love about having an autistic brain. The depth of feeling that we have. I think autistics generally tend to be more passionate than allistics – we have very profound connections to our focuses or interests, as well as to the people close to us, and we can experience very high levels of compassion and empathy when compared to allistics. This is a particular part…

One of the first, and most important, things to be said about existing in society as an autistic person is that it’s tough. In my time in the autistic community, one of the main things that I have seen that brings us all together (sadly), is ill-treatment and violence towards us at the hands of allistic (non-autistic) people; I have never met an autistic person who doesn’t have some experience of this. Autistic people don’t get spoken about this way very much, but we’re some of the most brave and resilient people – we shouldn’t have to be, but we are. The fact that the majority of us have post-traumatic stress is a clear indication of what we are put through over the course of our lives. There’s a saying in the community online, that it is very telling that the diagnosis criteria between a deeply traumatised person, and an autistic person, is so blurred – our current society is not capable of raising an autistic person that is not traumatised in some way. So I want to start off by giving you the credit you deserve for your strength and determination to still exist in this world. Doctors, and the people who get their ideas about autism from doctors, like to speak about autism like a list of deficits, as though autistic brains were disordered or ill. But it’s important to know that autism is not a disorder, not a ‘condition’, and you don’t need to be cured. You are not broken, and there is no part of you that is missing for being autistic. You aren’t a piece short of a puzzle.

Communication can be a tricky thing.

It can seem unfair that we are expected to do it so frequently, and at such speed – to process what someone said, work out how we feel about it, figure out what to say, and all within seconds. Often, autistics need to take our time doing this, and sometimes we can’t communicate in this way at all. The problem is that the alternative kinds of communication are generally unacceptable to allistics. If you feel frustrated and/or misunderstood often by allistics, this post is for you.

If you’re wondering ‘How do I know if I’m experiencing autistic burnout’, and if I am, how can I recharge? This will be the post for you. 

Autistic burnout is when autistic people can’t do things we normally are able to do, because of how little energy we have left.
It is our body’s way of telling us we are overstimulated. Burnout happens when we spend too much energy trying to act like a neurotypical (not autistic) person, and suppress our autistic traits.

A guide for anxious autistics

Going outside can be scary when you’re anxious and autistic. For many of us, there’s just too much of everything. It’s noisy and busy and there’s not much we can do about it to make that stop.

However, here is a little collection of things that have made it easier for me personally to leave the house sensory-wise, and I hope you may find it helpful too. 

Be brave, you can do it <3